Moments Worth Mentioning

The story of Steven Curtis Chapman’s daughter is truly heartbreaking. I can’t help but be reminded that we have no idea how many days we have left in this life.

I said goodbye to my two dogs this morning… again. Finding a new home for them has been an emotional and frustrating journey. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and meeting Andra this morning made the last 2 months of headaches seem worth while.

I have had this family in mind for about two weeks. We have had daily emails discussing various things about the dogs which allowed me to really feel comfortable with my decision. Andra is a stay-at-home mother of two boys, and is a founder of an animal rescue group. She and her husband have been looking at cavaliers for several years. The fact that she found my add on Craigslist is pretty amazing. I believe that it was meant to be for this family to end up with Foster and Sadie.

Our busy schedules caused us to postpone the meeting until this morning. We went back and forth about who would make the 1 hour drive. But in the end, she came to my apartment to meet the dogs. She showed up promptly at 10am. I was completely pulled together up until I saw her car pull into the parking lot. This was it… for sure this time.

Andra came to the door with flowers in hand. She said that the bouquet was from her two boys as a thank you. She also brought pictures of her family for me to see. I appreciated that she understood how difficult it was to say goodbye. We sat on the floor with the dogs for about half an hour. We talked in depth about their routine and habits. I felt like I was talking with a long lost friend.

We eventually loaded up her car with all of the dogs belongings. I took each dog and gave them a final snuggle. I wished them good luck and told them to be good. Andra insisted that this was not “goodbye” but simply a “I’ll see you later”. She extended an open invitation for me to visit anytime I wanted. She didn’t have to do that. I sincerely appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness. She also promised to keep the emails coming with updates and pictures.

I am absolutely certain that Foster and Sadie found a wonderful new home. Good luck babies. I miss you already.

Its a done deal. I made the 6 hour drive to Lexington, KY this weekend to hand off my beloved dogs.

Saturday started early. I had most of the dogs belongings already packed, but I still had to figure out how it was going to fit into my car. The dogs always get very excited when their leashes are out, or when they suspect a car ride is in their future. On Saturday, they were jumping and barking and shaking with excitement. I wish I had been able to find a way of telling them that today was nothing to be excited about.

We got on the road a little after 8am. The dogs did remarkably well on the long drive. We stopped every 2 hours for short walks and potty breaks. The dogs and I had a long conversation during the drive (I did most of the talking). I explained what was going on, and that they were going to have a new owner to love. By the time we hit the Kentucky boarder, we were all in agreement that it was for the best. We rolled into Lexington around 3pm. My mom wasn’t far behind. We found a hotel that allowed pets, and settled into our room. My mom and I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to not think about what the next morning held. We went and had a pedicure, and found a great restaurant for dinner. She was a wonderful distraction for me.

The dogs were predictably restless that night. They were obviously out of their element, and after our long talk, they were uncandidly aware that we were sharing our last few hours together. The next morning went by in slow motion. I tried to savor every last moment. After a quick breakfast, the time had come to say goodbye. I took each one individually in my arms for a final snuggle. I was amazingly well composed, and had a sense of peace about the decision. This was an answered prayer if I had ever seen one. The dogs whimpered as I put them into their crates for their journey to Georgia. I swear they knew exactly what was happening.

I made it back to Michigan around 2pm on Sunday. I immediately noticed how quite my apartment had become. My mom called about an hour later to report that they had made it safely back to Georgia. She said they were unbelievably well behaved and very quite during the ride. They were running around her backyard when she called me. They haven’t been able to run without a leash in a long time. The freedom was well overdue.

They will be staying with her for the week until Jeremy can come and get them. They have been to her house many times before. I am hoping that being with my mom will make the transition away from me a little easier for them (and for me).

Good luck babies! I love you and will forever miss you.

I am proud to say that every major decision I have made in the last year has been the right one. I don’t regret anything. But as hard and as big as those decisions were, my most recent choice has hit me like nothing I have ever experienced.

I got my first Cavalier King Charles Spaniel in December of 2005. He had a piece of my heart the second I laid eyes on him. I was instantly the center of his world, and he hasn’t left my side since. I got a second puppy about two years later. Although she gave me a run for my money, and was nothing like my calm-natured boy, she also won my heart very quickly. Collectively, these two dogs have me completely wrapped around their finger (or paw).

When I moved to Michigan last August, my dogs became a great source of company and forced me to get out and discover the parks (and the people) of my new surroundings. I have relied on them heavily in the last 7 months in my moments of homesickness. But with that being said, the dogs have also become a bit of a challenge. First and foremost, in a time where every dollar is spent carefully, they are obviously a financial burden. I pay extra each month on my rent, and am finding myself forking out large amounts of cash to board them when I travel. Secondly, I am working two jobs right now and find myself away from my apartment 7 days a week, up to 10 or 11 hours at a time. I know they are miserable spending that much time in a cage. I am also very limited on where I can live. Not many apartments are very eager to rent to someone who owns two dogs. Since I don’t see myself owning another home anytime soon, renting will be a way of life for awhile. Dogs and renting just don’t go well together.

I could go on and on with legitimate reasons why my “babies” need a new home. But my heart is struggling with the idea immensely. I get tears in my eyes even thinking about turning them over to someone else. These silly dogs have a piece of my heart…. But I have come to the difficult realization that I would be selfish to keep them. They are a breed that needs to love and be loved. They need constant interaction with people in order to be happy. And in all fairness, I just don’t have what they need. So as horribly painful as it is, my search has started for a new home for them. Wish me luck on finding them a wonderful place, and for the strength that this process is going to require.

“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.”

I am writing this with so much reservation. I know that I will probably regret this. But I feel like I need to vent. And this is my outlet.

I have just gone through a week of hell. Everyone that is close to me knows my continued anxiety that is associated with my house that I still have in Georgia. Last Sunday, an offer was presented for the house. The offer was low and very demanding. The process that was required to counteroffer and negotiate with this potential buyer was draining in itself. But dealing with the co-owner of the house was a battle that has left me completely deflated.

This has not been easy. These 6+ months since I left Preston have been the most challenging and demanding months of my life. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster than nobody can understand. I have never had a doubt that I did the right thing by leaving, but that doesn’t make the reality of it any easier. Although this time has been hard, I feel like I have made great strides towards finding myself and happiness once again. The saying “two steps forward, three steps back” seems appropriate to sum up this past week. I was feeling so strong. I had no idea that I could be knocked back down so easily.

How can someone who was so important to me turn into such an evil, spiteful individual? He wants to hurt and punish me for leaving him. And, unfortunately, being married gave him the opportunity to learn all my buttons. Apparently I didn’t learn a thing since I couldn’t predict how any given phone call or email would turn out this week. Every time another counteroffer was presented (we had about 6) we had to discuss what our next move would be. I’m trying to keep a united front. I don’t want the real estate agents to get a whiff of indifference that may have existed between Preston and I. They would have loved to take advantage of an already unfortunate situation. I’m trying to be reasonable and ultimately trying to not completely loose my shirt on a house that was once my proudest treasure. Trying to predict his mood or response was, at best, emotionally draining.

When I finally think that I have survived the week I am hit with a final, spiteful blow. We are accepting a final offer that lets us walk away from the house. It’s a frustrating proposal, but realistic in the current market. Preston and I are discussing the final arrangements that need to be made to vacate the house. I actually offer to fly down to help the move-out/clean-up process. I casually ask when a good time would be for my parents to come to the house to claim some of my belongings that were left. And once again, I am left in disbelief as Mr. Mood Swing strikes again. He claims that I no longer have any right to anything in the house. He knows that the monetary value is not the issue. He knows that by keeping me out of the house he has the ability to say “I told you so” one more time. He has used my move to Michigan against me from day one. Why not use it one more time? Hate is such a strong word. I don’t want to hate him. But he makes is so hard to even like him.

I want to be glad about the house being Under Contract. But right now I am so unhappy about the fact that “happily ever after” was such a delusion.