Moments Worth Mentioning

2009 has been a year that I will remember as the year that I fell in love.  Maybe not in the romantic, your my soul mate kind of love… but definitely in the, I love my life kind of way.

As the clock struck midnight on December 31, 2008 I was with a group of people out in Atlanta.  Some were old friends, most were people I had met only moments before….  All of them would open up countless doors for an amazing year of love!  That group brought me to Atlanta.  That group brought me hundreds of new friends.  That group brought me to Buckhead Church.  It’s not coincidental to me that I started the new year with these people.

As January turned into February and February into March I met more people.  In April I signed a lease on an apartment in the city and fell in love with my new address.  With that new address, I was able to go out on a moments notice.  I had friends meeting on week nights for television shows, dinners on patios and entire weekends booked for this outing or that event.  I fell in love with always having something to do.

The spring and summer of 2009 was nothing short of a never-ending vacation.  I was discovering the city of Atlanta in a circle of friends that kept growing.  We had gatherings on boats and beaches.  We played volleyball.  We rode bikes.  We went to baseball games. We laid in hammocks.  We had cookouts.  I absolutely fell in love with the city and the people in it.

This past Fall I found an amazing group of girls and we now have weekly bible studies.  I also ventured into the world of church leadership and various ministry opportunities. I transferred my church membership.  I volunteered countless hours.  I found a peace in an area of my life that I have spent so much time trying to forget.  I fell in love with my church.

As winter crept up, I was taking a new position at work.  I was transferring offices.  I was being challenged and being recognized for the dedication and hard work.  I fell in love with the idea of having a career.

It’s so hard to not ramble on and on about the hundreds of things that I have been apart of in the last 12 months.  I’m not saying that the last year hasn’t had its moments of heart break and frustration…. but in the grand scheme of things, it has been a year filled to capacity with blessings and adventures.  Never have I had so many amazing people in my life.  Never have I felt to content.  Never have I ever been so in love!

Thank you to those of you who read this and smile because you know that you were apart of this…..  I love all of you!!

Oh December…. We meet again.  I don’t talk a lot about the thoughts that go through my head during this time of the year.  It’s a month that I truly have a love-hate relationship with and just find a way to get through.

As a kid, I loved the Christmas season.  It was always a big deal in our house.  Lots of family, lots of decorations, lots of excitement.  I have vivid memories of waking up to Barbie Cars, roller blades, and trampolines.  My parents had a way of making the season magical…. maybe in hindsight a little too magical.  But regardless, that all changed when I was in 9th grade when my parents got divorced.  Christmas became a high stress, high emotional event in which I was forced to choose sides.  It became a contest in which my mom and dad had to give the biggest and the best.  Somewhere in between splitting up Christmas ornaments and being shuffled around on Christmas day, the joy of Christmas left me.

Fast forward about ten years and I found myself trying to start my own Christmas traditions.  I vowed to put the hurt behind me and focus on the future….. I had my own family and wanted to find the joy again.  I chose a wedding date in December with the intention of being able to celebrate an anniversary during a month that had once been so painful.  We decorated, we celebrated, we decorated some more.  We had our own traditions.  For a few years Christmas became a fun time of year again.

In a few weeks it would have been my 5th wedding anniversary.  (Key word: Would)

Being that we got married a week before Christmas, the amount of “Our First Christmas” decorations were numerous.  We treasured those gifts and proudly displayed them each year.  During the aftermath of the divorce the majority of those decorations ended up in a box that became mine.  That box has followed me to my parents house, to Michigan and back, and to several other stops along the way.  Every year, as I put up my Christmas tree that box shows itself.  It is an ugly reminder of what was…. always appearing during a month that should have been another anniversary.  It makes December difficult.  I hate that box.

I can’t explain why I haven’t thrown it away, so I’m not going to even try.

It amazes me how much we are able to “box up” parts of our past.  We all have history that is painful and easier to stuff into a closet instead of dealing with it.  Over the last 10+ weeks I have been involved in a small group in which I have had to bring out that “box”.  I have had to dissect and analyze so many of the things that I had buried away.  There have been weeks where I walk away realizing how far I have come, and there are other weeks that have brought me to tears knowing that so much pain can be brought on by only opening up a box of Christmas decorations.

This past weekend, as I got out my tree and ornaments I found those First Christmas ornaments.  I sat and went though them one more time.  Remembering.  And then, with one swift toss, they were in a dumpster.  Never to be seen again.  Maybe I have found the strength to get rid of them though this class.  Maybe I have just had enough.  Maybe I’m just ready to move on.

It’s a blessing and a curse that I love tradition so much.  I want things to be perfect and get angry when anything gets in the way of my vision.  I hate that so many painful memories are associated with the Christmas season.  I hate that I grew up only knowing Santa and that Jesus was an afterthought.  I hate that I tried to fix the hurt by replacing it with something new.  I hate that December 18th will forever be a sad day.

But at least next year, when I go to put up my tree, I won’t have that box waiting for me.

Weekends develop themes sometimes.  They sometimes come with a tone of celebration, relaxation or maybe a sense of exhaustion from running from one task to another.  Regardless, our weekends are a cherished 48 hours between two hectic weeks.

This past weekend I found myself leaving the city and heading north.  Fall is upon us and some friends and I wanted to experience some good old fashioned Fall fun.  Our destination: the North Georgia Mountains.  Three of us drove the hour and a half up to where the leaves were a little more orange, the temperatures were a little bit chillier and the roads were a little smaller.  We left the noise and commotion of the city behind and entered into a world that personified Fall in Georgia… a world that I had called home a few years ago.

I spent five years of my life in the town of Dahlonega, GA.  That chapter of my live involved going to college, moving away from my parents, starting new relationships and testing my limits.  It was an amazing bit of time that I would go back and relive in a heartbeat.  I loved that town.  I loved the potential and the endless opportunities that I had during that age.  I loved the comfort of the small town.

As we were driving down the familiar roads and parking on a campus that I once called home the memories came flooding back.  I am now a different person, reentering into a place that is exactly the same.  Yet, the feel of it was the similar, but so very different at the same time.  I was now an outsider looking in.  I am now the tourist.

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have changed.”

That quote is amazingly true.  If anything, the visit to Dahlonega confirmed to me how much I had changed.  Since I left that town five years ago lots has happened… life has happened.  I have been married and divorced, I have bought and sold a home, I have moved back and forth across the country, I have lost ones that I love, and I have found new friends.

I have changed.

This Saturday started as a day of remembering, but quickly the old memories turned into new ones as the three of us laughed the afternoon away.  We enjoyed the people watching, sharing old stories and enjoyed each others company.  It was truly a marvelous fall day with some amazing friends.  Thank you Shannon and Kevin for allowing me to share the day with you and for joining me on my walk down memory lane.

Happy Fall!

Found this, loved it, sharing it…

Dearest October,

Hello, and welcome to 2008.

You are a month that I have always looked forward to. You bring pumpkins, scarecrows, and corn mazes. You bring beautiful leaves and crisp fall days. You bring football. I have strong memories associated with fall and Halloween. From when I dressed up as Rainbow Bright as a child… to when my athletic trainer cohorts dressed up as the 7 dwarfs + snow white. Gold Rush days in Dahlonega and carving pumpkins with my dad. What a fun time of year that is associated with you!

In stark contrast to the great memories from the past…When you were here last year I wasn’t very happy. Lets me honest, I was hurt in a way that I never dreamed was possible. I don’t think I even remember appreciating the greatness of the Michigan fall last year. I was so absorbed in the details, and so broken. They say time heals all pain… And I can say that its (mostly) true. I can now go several days, maybe even a week without thinking of him and the hurt he caused. I actually only remembered today in passing that this was the month that it was all finalized…. one year ago.

You are also the birthday month of my little girl! Miss Sadie… oh I miss her! Her and Foster (my dogs for those of you new to my blog) are now living with a family in southern Michigan. Little Sadie will be two years old at the end of October. I can honestly say that a part of my heart will forever be reserved just for them. And the tears begin…

So, for this year, October, I am asking for good memories. Bright colored pumpkins, warm apple cider, and an endless supply of red, orange and yellow leaves. I am asking for a fun homecoming as I attend a wedding of a long lost high school friend. I am asking for unexpected reunions as I return to my college for Gold Rush. I am asking for new memories to replace the old ones, and old friends to become new again. I have big plans for you October. Don’t let me down.

Seven years ago, at approximately 9am, I was doing laundry. I was a sophomore in college, and at my apartment folding some clothes before I headed off to class. I happened to have the TV on in the background. The normal babble of morning television turned into a much serious tone, and I found myself turning up the volume to hear what was going on. About this time, the second plane crashed into the World Trade Center. I watched it live. I fell onto my bed and the tears were immediate.

I pulled myself away from the TV and made the short drive to class. But as I pulled onto campus, I realized that it wasn’t going to be a normal day. Students were huddled in small groups in the parking lot, in classrooms, and by the flag that flew on campus. You heard the sound of crying. The “Canteen” was a student lounge that was rarely used on campus. But on September 11, 2001 you could hardly get through the doors. All of the TV’s were tuned into the news. Hundreds of fellow students were glued to the screens, all in complete silence. It was a sight and (lack of) sound that I will always remember.

I have a hard time believing that it was seven years ago. The terrorist attacks now linger somewhere between a conscious part of our lives, and comfortably removed into the distant past. It no longer happened yesterday, but I don’t feel comfortable calling it history. Our lives have changed in response to that day. We are obviously now fighting two wars because of the events. But in other small ways… we now take our shoes off at the airport. The “new normal” is now just normal. Is that OK?

I, like so many, watched the news coverage of the anniversary this morning. I was amazed at how my feelings and emotions that I had seven years ago came flooding back so easily. Hearing children speak of their lost fathers, and husbands that lost their wifes… My heart breaks for them, and for their continued pain. I am sad not for just what happened to them on September 11th, but for the reality of what September 12th, 13th, and 14th brought.

Let us, as a country, continue to support and love each other the way we did seven years ago.

Happy 1 year anniversary to me! One year ago today I walked into a GM plant in Swartz Creek, MI scared as hell. I had to use my GPS to get me to work that morning, and yet I still got lost. I was on my own and 1200 miles away from anyone that could help me. What a difference a year can make! So… long story, short… I SURVIVED!!!

With the one year anniversary, comes the end of my lease at my current apartment. I knew the day I moved into that apartment that it would be a temporary home. With limited time, money, and two puppies, it was the best I could do. At the time, I was so excited and happy to have a plan and to be on my own, that the old, cramped apartment wasn’t a big deal. But, I am happy and proud to say that Chatwell drive is no longer my address. As of yesterday morning, I have a new address. One that I am much more excited about! My dad, step mom and brother will be arriving late Friday night to help me make the 20 minute move to my new apartment. (Don’t feel bad for them for having to fly up here… My family and I take every excuse these days to see each other. They offered to help me move 4 months ago!)

The traditional one year anniversary gift is paper… It seems strangely appropriate.
Paper, as in plane tickets. Lots of them. I have flown more in the last year than I have in my entire life. And fallen in love with traveling in the process.
Paper, as in bills. I’ve had lots of those too. I am happy to say that I have far fewer these days then when I moved up here. At one time I was paying for a mortgage, utilities, and maintenance expenses on top of my own living costs. Ugh.
Paper, as in pictures. My camera has been working hard this year. Especially when the snow started falling last November. It was my way of sharing my new life with my family. For awhile there, I think I was sending snow pictures to Georgia every day. (With captions that read: What am I doing here?!)
Paper, as in newspaper. I feel like I am now an expert packer/unpacker. I managed to get all of my things up to Michigan in one piece. Moving across town next week is going to feel like a walk in the park.
Paper, as in paper towel rolls. Its a stretch I know, but I had to mention my dogs. They LOVED to chew up empty paper towel and toilet paper rolls (especially Foster). Those two dogs were as much a part of my life as anything else this year. I still miss them terribly.

So there you go. It has been an amazing, stressful at times, heartbreaking, fun, inspiring, breathtaking year! I am so incredibly thankful. So incredibly happy. So incredibly proud.

Storm Watch 2008 hit Atlanta a few days ago and the good folks of northern Georgia were drenched with an overwhelming 1-2 inches of snow! Schools were closed, business were not opened, and the grocery stores were overwhelmed with nervous shoppers. Are you kidding me?!

Excuse my outburst. But its amazing how my perception of snow and bad weather has changed. I now awake to 7 or 8 inches of fresh snow without a thought. I walk out to start my car in 15 degree temperatures without bothering to put on a coat. I prefer the snow covered roads in my apartment complex over dry roads simply because the speed bumps are no longer an issue. I have really surprised myself on how quickly I have become acclimated to my new surroundings.

Don’t get me wrong. My inner child still comes crawling out when my dogs and I stumble upon a field of fresh snow, and we have the privilege of being the first ones to put our footprints in it. I often let the dogs off their leashes and find myself laughing out loud as they struggle to forge through uncharted territory. Even the dogs seem to have gotten used to the snow and cold temperatures. They no longer give me “the look” when I open the door to take them outside.

So, all I have to say to you Georgians is “calm down”. I admit I was one of you. I would insist on being off the roads, and would get angry when they didn’t feel the need to cancel school. But, along with LOTS of other things, snow has now been put into perspective. So, come and visit me. Maybe you will learn a thing or two…

So, as 2008 quickly approaches I have been doing some thinking about what a crazy year 2007 has been. To sum it up a little bit… I have gotten paychecks from 5 different employers, lived in 3 different zip codes, and have criss crossed this country in the process. I have walked on the beaches of southern California, run through corn fields in Kentucky, and chased my dogs through the frozen tundras of Michigan. Its been crazy, exhausting, eye-opening, and life altering all at the same time. I am counting down the days until I fly home for Christmas and New Years.
Some bits of wisdom that I picked up along the way in 2007…

People don’t change. You can’t make them change. If they hurt you once, they will hurt you again… and again.

Money is overrated. It won’t buy happiness, it won’t make you fall in or out of love, and it definitely won’t last. Learn how to be happy without it.

I love Michigan. It may be cold, dreary, and have lots of pot holes, but this state has given something to me that I would never have gotten if I had stayed in Georgia.

On that same note… it takes at least a full week for mail to travel from Georgia to Michigan.

Everyone should have a “stacy”. She has taken me places that I could never have gotten on my own. For those of you who don’t know, stacy is my gps.

If someone chooses to walk out of your life, let them walk. They are missing out.

Mind games are ridiculous. A little communication can go a long way.

You still have to pay mortgage payments even when you have a “For Sale” sign in the front yard.

Family is the one absolute in my life. The support I have gotten from them in the last year has been amazing and eye-opening.

Text messages are by far the best and most definitely the worst invention of the 21st century.

I am strong. I am confident. I am independent. I am happy. And nothing will ever take that away from me again.

Being selfish is absolutely ok. Sometimes it’s the best thing you could ever do for yourself.

Too much of any one thing is a bad thing. Guaranteed.

2007 has been a year that I will never forget. I can only hope 2008 will be half as memorable. (But for far different reasons). =) Happy New Year!