Moments Worth Mentioning

2009 has been a year that I will remember as the year that I fell in love.  Maybe not in the romantic, your my soul mate kind of love… but definitely in the, I love my life kind of way.

As the clock struck midnight on December 31, 2008 I was with a group of people out in Atlanta.  Some were old friends, most were people I had met only moments before….  All of them would open up countless doors for an amazing year of love!  That group brought me to Atlanta.  That group brought me hundreds of new friends.  That group brought me to Buckhead Church.  It’s not coincidental to me that I started the new year with these people.

As January turned into February and February into March I met more people.  In April I signed a lease on an apartment in the city and fell in love with my new address.  With that new address, I was able to go out on a moments notice.  I had friends meeting on week nights for television shows, dinners on patios and entire weekends booked for this outing or that event.  I fell in love with always having something to do.

The spring and summer of 2009 was nothing short of a never-ending vacation.  I was discovering the city of Atlanta in a circle of friends that kept growing.  We had gatherings on boats and beaches.  We played volleyball.  We rode bikes.  We went to baseball games. We laid in hammocks.  We had cookouts.  I absolutely fell in love with the city and the people in it.

This past Fall I found an amazing group of girls and we now have weekly bible studies.  I also ventured into the world of church leadership and various ministry opportunities. I transferred my church membership.  I volunteered countless hours.  I found a peace in an area of my life that I have spent so much time trying to forget.  I fell in love with my church.

As winter crept up, I was taking a new position at work.  I was transferring offices.  I was being challenged and being recognized for the dedication and hard work.  I fell in love with the idea of having a career.

It’s so hard to not ramble on and on about the hundreds of things that I have been apart of in the last 12 months.  I’m not saying that the last year hasn’t had its moments of heart break and frustration…. but in the grand scheme of things, it has been a year filled to capacity with blessings and adventures.  Never have I had so many amazing people in my life.  Never have I felt to content.  Never have I ever been so in love!

Thank you to those of you who read this and smile because you know that you were apart of this…..  I love all of you!!

Over three months ago I walked into a living room filled to capacity with complete strangers.  My heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty.  I didn’t make eye contact with anyone.  I had walls built up so tall and they were so strong….Not to be torn down by anyone within 15 miles of that room.  I was a complete mess that night.

For the next 13 weeks I continued to go back to that living room and eventually the strangers began to look familiar.  The numbers dwindled to about 7 or 8 consistent faces and all of our walls slowly crumbled.  Our conversations included words like Forgiveness, Healing, Loneliness, Anger, Depression, Reconciliation and overall Survival…..  We shared our stories and boxes of Kleenex. Emotionally challenging doesn’t even begin to explain my last few months of Thursday nights.

Last night, we sat in that now very familiar room one last time.  There was cookie cake, genuine laughter and tears (that now meant something completely different).  It amazed me how far each and every one of us had come.  From the lady that couldn’t even hear the word “divorce” without tearing up to now being about to have a very in depth conversaton about moving forward with a smile.  And the guy who wept as he told us his unthinkable story who eventually became the class clown and one of the groups favorites.  We all grew, we all found some healing, we all found some forever friends.

The evening came to a close as all of us toasted to surviving the 13 weeks, and more importantly, to the endless possibilities of the future.

I don’t even know where to start.  Its been a four day weekend that has contained numerous “blog worthy” events…

Should I talk about the two seperate Thanksgiving meals I had?  How I enjoyed more calories in these meals then I have consumed over the last month.  How I sat amongst so many from different sides of my family and got to enjoy a holiday that didn’t involve anything other then just coming together.  No gifts, no pompous, no circumstance.  Just us, being thankful for another year spent together.

Should I talk about the evening that I spent with old friends and new friends alike?  About how the circles mixed without difficulty and how the evening left me appreciating my relationship status?  Something that I get impatient with and often want to change.  That night the grass was plenty green right where I was and I loved the ability to cut loose.  This may seem selfish in a way… but I think we all owe it to ourselves to have a night like that every once in a while.  It also makes me appreciate the people in my life that put up with this rare side of me.

Should I talk about how I ran into an old friend in a parking lot and spent the next hour laughing and talking and hugging and catching up?

Should I talk about the GA/GA Tech football game that I went to?  How the lack of plans leading up to the game turned out to work out just fine and made for a hilarious few hours with great friends?  The tailgating, the grill fiasco, the ability to ignore the different colors that we each had on, and I don’t even need to mention the final score…. it all made for an amazing night in the city!

Or should I talk about Andy Stanley’s message that I heard tonight?  It never ceases to amaze me how he can take 2000+ year old bible verses and turn them into modern day truth.  He might as well start off the service by calling me out by name, because he talks directly to me each and every time.  Tonight he managed to take a Christmas message and turn into an extremely powerful reminder about the ability to forgive yourself.  At the conclusion of the message I sat in my chair as the rest of the crowd started to make there way to the exits and just shook my head.  I was both humbled and excited to hear such strong words.  It was a perfect way to end a basically perfect weekend.

So, so much to be thankful for.  So, so grateful for the countless amazing people in my life.  So, so happy to be right here, right now.

 Yesterday I spent close to over 10 hours doing “church stuff”.  To put the appropriate spin on this jam packed day, keep in mind that I did it all on a mere 3 hours of sleep…. 

• I was up early for a breakfast meeting to discuss the good, the bad and the ugly from the last two months of a Single’s group I have helped with.  And by helped I mean practically ran.
• My next stop was Buckhead church for an 11 o’clock appointment where I was to meet with a staff member for an interview.  I spent the next 45 minutes telling a complete stranger every piece of my life story.  Every piece.  It was humbling and rejuvenating all at the same time.  The next few months should be interesting as I venture into a leadership role in a ministry that both excites and terrifies me.
• After that, I walked upstairs to be apart of a Q&A lucheon for another leadership position.  The last few months of volunteering in a singles group has allowed me to consider leading a group next Spring.  We ate, we Q&Aed.  We left.
• The next two hours found me walking every corner of a church that I can now call my own!  As of last month, I am an official member of Buckhead Church.  I was amazingly curious about the “behind the scenes stuff” of such a large operation.  By pure coincidence I met a man over the weekend that holds the key to every door in that place…. and he was willing to show me around.  I saw production rooms, secret doors, control panels, a sneak preview of the amazing Christmas decorations, walked through back hallways, walked across every stage… I basically had access to every corner of a building rumored to have hidden tunnels and secret rooms (which may or may not be true!).   This building is approximately 200,000 square feet of amazingness! Why does that excite me?  Because I love that church.
• Finally, at 6pm, I actually “went to church”.  Sat a few rows from the front and got to hear Jeff Henderson do his thing.  The same Jeff Henderson that I had shaken hands with a few hours before.  I love how the “celebrity persona” disappeared a little bit for me.  It makes the whole church feel that much smaller.
• I was supposed to rush from there to help a group go shopping for needy families/Thanksgiving project.  Instead, I threw up a white flag and went home where I immediately fell into my bed and stayed for 10 hours.

My level of involvement in the church makes me want to jump up and down!  I remember being in college and being active in so many groups on campus.  I ran around like a crazy person trying to get to every meeting and complete projects for the numerous organizations.  I remember being stressed out, but amazingly at peace all at the same time.  I enjoyed every minute of it.  My commitments to Buckhead remind me of that fast paced life again.  I love it because I believe in what I’m doing…. which is just kinda fun!!

Its been one of those weeks that make me happy that Friday has arrived. Actually its been about a two week stretch that has left me mentally and physically exhausted.

The majority of my mental exhaustion centers around work. I have had this job for about six months now, and I can honestly say that I have never been so happy and content about my employment. I have found something that I enjoy and a company that appreciates my dedication. Its an amazing feeling… and I am truly blessed to be in such a great work situation. With that being said, in the last two weeks I have have been handed extra responsibilities which I have loved, but have also left me a little overwhelmed. We are expanding our business and because I was the first employee hired, I have become an expert on the process. (Which is crazy considering I still feel pretty new myself!) I am now training new employees and seen as a resource for any issues that may come up as we open new offices. The days involve countless phone calls, meetings with management and endless creative brainstorming. Its a new role that I am really enjoying. Thankfully, my company appreciates my efforts and have offered to let me move to whichever office I would like as we continue to expand over the Atlanta area. (Have I mentioned that I love my job?)

So… I have my eye on an the “mother ship” office at St. Joes hospital. I took a tour of the giant office this past Tuesday and have basically been told that its mine if I want it when they open in mid to late November. The location is a much shorter commute, gives me the opportunity to work with the best doctors and gives me the ability to move into an official management role. All of which make the decision a no-brainer….Except… there is some hesitation in my mind. I would be leaving an office that I love, leaving a staff that is amazing, saying goodbye to the normal 8-5 lifestyle and walking away from some doctors that are exceptionally fun to work with. I am certain that the new office, that’s known to have some high-ego doctors and a higher than average staff turnover, won’t allow me to have those same types of relationships. The drastic change in work environment has left me wondering if its worth it.

During the past few weeks the message at Buckhead Church has been centered around questions to ask yourself before we make any substantial decisions. (Perfect timing, huh?) Its been an amazing series that has given me some great resources. For example, we were told to pay attention to the tension…. Which basically means, pay attention to that little voice that says “are you sure about this?”. Being able to identify that hint of doubt gives you the power to honestly evaluate the choice. As this work decision is looming in my mind I can’t help but think that this is what the tension feels like. BUT, how do you know when its tension… otherwise known as… God speaking to your heart, or just a moderate case of apprehension that’s normal with any change? I am hoping that a little more time to sort through my thoughts will provide the answer to that question and I will be able to make the best decision.

Life is basically one decision after another. Some minor, others very major. But all decisions start us down a path…. A path that we hope is where we are supposed to be. I know I’m guilty of straying pretty far off that path in the past. Heres to making the right decision, and staying right on course.

I’m not sure why trips on airplanes bring out my melancholy side, but they do.  Especially night flights when I can look out of the window and see entire towns outlined by street lights.  Last night was no exception.  I found myself remembering a flight I had taken over two years ago.

This past weekend my dad and step mom were out of town. Actually, out of the country to be precise. From Thursday afternoon until Monday night I had the house to myself. And let me tell you… it was fantastic!

Don’t misinterpret my enthusiasm. My parents are wonderful, and living with them has been a piece of cake. We co-habitat surprisingly well. But in all honesty, I hadn’t realized how much I had missed the Independence that can only come from living by yourself. For 4 days, I was able to come and go, do laundry, cook dinner and watch TV without sharing, explaining, or offering to include them. Its the simple things in life… truly.

Coming back to Georgia has been an eye opening experience all in itself. I have been able to enjoy and appreciate the time spent with friends with a kind of enthusiasm that comes from living in near solitude for 18 months. I am now able to embrace my “single hood” in a way that is healthy and fun thanks to the time I spent away from the hurt that existed down here. I am able to find the perfect balance of family, friends and (sigh) new love interests with amazing ease. Honestly, I think all of these things come with that thing we call Growing Up. =)

I did something this morning that I had all but sworn I would never do again. Just about two years ago I made the decision that I wasn’t ever going to set foot in the church that had so horribly turned their backs on me. At the time, I felt as though I was being judged and ridiculed for the events in my life. It took an extraordinary amount of courage to go to them to ask for help and understanding. In return, I was given a scarlet letter and an unbelievable amount of guilt. Although I LOVED the church, the people were too much. I had written them off for good. Or so I thought.

I have had it in my mind ever since I have been back in town that I wanted to return to my church. I really can’t explain the reasoning behind my need to go back. Selfishly, I wanted to walk though those doors with my head held high, almost as proof that I had “survived”. Mostly, I had begun to realize that I have missed my southern baptist roots. Some good hallelujah music seemed to be just what the doctor ordered.

So, I got up this morning and made the 45 minute drive back to my old town and my old church. I walked in, found my old seat and found amazing comfort in the familiar faces. I caught a few awkward glances and immediately smiled. Amazingly, the message today was titled “A Blessing or a Curse? You Decide!” I have no doubt that my old church was exactly where I was supposed to be this morning, awkward glances and all. In all honestly, I’m pretty sure the strange looks my way where people trying to figure out how they knew me. After all, its been two years…

As I got back into my car to leave I couldn’t help but feel completely healed. (If that’s even the right word?) I’ve come a long way, and it feels amazing to be so content and comfortable. Forgiveness is good… Both to give and receive!!!

I remember my first “real” interview very well. I was a few months out of college. I can distinctly remember the office that I sat in. I can remember exactly what the interviewer looked like. Her name was Karen. But what I remember most was my answer to one of her questions. She asked me where I saw myself in five years… (If I had only known).

I remember that I told her that I was looking for a company that could provide me with opportunities to advance, and in five years I hoped to have made the transition from having a job to really having a career.

I ended up getting the job…and subsequently quit a year later. It turned out not be a good fit, and it definitely wasn’t where I was going to find my “career”. I moved onto other jobs, other cities, and eventually, other states.

Still in search of my career, in August of last year I had another interview. This one was completely different to any of the ones I had had prior. This one was done over the phone, and included questions concerning moving expenses and relocation issues. At this point, I was three years into my five year time frame. If Michigan was where I was going to find my career, than so be it! My car was packed and I was in Swartz Creek, MI within a few weeks.

Fast forward 14 months:
Yet another interview. This one was once again completely different than any other. This was an internal interview for a position within my current company. All of my normal questions that I would ask during an interview were thrown out the window. I already new the answers. And the interviewer wouldn’t be asking about my recent job history. He already new the answers. The rules were different, the preparation was different, the stakes were higher.

The good news: I got the promotion!
The bad news: I am moving… for the 4th time in less than a year and a half. (I’m becoming an expert).

My new position is at another assembly plant. I will be with the same company, wear the same logo, but will have to switch my automotive loyalty. (Who are we kidding… was I ever loyal?) And, I will be making the transition from staff, to management. Yay!

My first plan is to call Karen(my first boss) and tell her that I found my career. Unfortunately it just wasn’t with her.

Men: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

My new apartment has brought me back to my decorating roots, and I have been in a frenzy trying to get it just right. (See the IKEA post). There is one window in my kitchen that I have been avoiding. It was uncovered, and I knew that it needed something (a blind, a curtain, ect) to provide some privacy. But, more importantly, it had some serious “cuteness” potential. Due to my apartment being on the first floor, and boggy men lurking in all corners (not really), the time had come to figure out what the plan was. Off to Home Depot I go.

I am proud to say that I am not your typical girly girl. I am not afraid of hammers, nails, screw drivers, lawn mowers, paint brushes, or tape measures. I am very capable, and enjoy tackling the “manly” stuff. But for some reason, that little window blind scared me. As I was walking out of Home Depot with my purchase, I had a moment of self doubt. Was I going to be able to handle this one on my own?

This morning, I pulled out the directions, analyzed the various brackets and screws, and made the decision to go for it. I pulled out my tools, drew circles on the walls where the brackets needed to go, and said a little prayer. A few minutes later I was covered in Sheetrock dust, was on my second set of screws (the first ones were too long) and had two mounts successfully screwed into the wall. After some brute force the blind snapped into place. I had done it! We will see if its still hanging when I get home tonight…

Sure, I had a couple of guy friends that I could have called that would have been happy to come over and take care of my little window situation. I will also admit that I would have loved to have been able to designate that task to a boyfriend, husband, or dad. But as I discovered, I was just as capable.

Mini blind: $10
Power Drill/various tools: $50
Discovering (once again) that I am a capable, independent woman: PRICELESS