Moments Worth Mentioning

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Philippians 4:6

As I sit at my desk this morning my mind is swirling with thoughts. One of which is how I can’t wait for 5 o’clock to get here and for the weekend to start… but that’s not what this blog is about. Mostly the thoughts in my head stem from a conversation I had last night. After a great meal and a little dip/push into the pool, a few of us weren’t quite as in a hurry to get home. Instead, we pulled up a few chairs and enjoyed a beautiful evening under the stars. The four of us that remained couldn’t be more different or come from more opposite paths. We are nurses, computer wiz’s and personal shoppers. Our pasts and our current job titles are drastically different yet we have all managed to find each other and find a common ground.

On that dark pool deck the walls came down and the four of us were being honest. Honest about where our hearts are. Honest about our past. Honest about our feelings. At times when the conversation turned to heartbreak and disappointment I had to bite my tongue. Because part of me wanted to get up and scream that what they were calling pain was nothing in comparison to what life has the ability to throw and you. Part of me wants to tell them that they are so fortunate to have been given the opportunity to walk away. Part of me is jealous of their idea of pain, wishing that that was all I knew. Part of me is angry at them for not seeing the underlying blessing. Part of me falls in love with them that much more for allowing me to remember what it is like to navigate the world as an “uber single”.

So, I sit in silence not knowing how to communicate any of that.

Communication (at least verbally) has never been my strongest asset. I have a tendency to walk away from a conversation rehashing it in my brain wishing I had said something different or explained something better. In my mind I have these great ideas, but the words somehow get lost. I have realized that the (lack of) communication was one of my biggest contributions to the demise of “us”. Its been a journey within itself to realize that fault and claim it. (That’s for you Eric.)

What I did walk away with last night (err.. this morning) was knowing that we are all on a journey. We are faced with various obstacles that allow us to grow and learn. We learn what we are capable of. We discover who we are. The challenges we come upon are given to us on purpose. Nothing is by accident. It was very much a reminder that God knows what we need. Last night, my needs were met by a type of communication amongst friends that goes way beyond words.

In my life of excitement and fun, I often forget to take a night in, for me, to regroup and collect my thoughts, catch up on my to-do list, and just breathe. Yesterday after work I was determined to have a “me” evening. I spent the rest of the afternoon running a few errands, doing a few loads of laundry and (gasp) getting in a nice run before returning home to actually cook a complete meal. I sat at my kitchen table for the first time in months and then later migrated over to my couch and snuggled up with some Tuesday night TV. It was a real treat. Being the Queen of Distraction it takes a lot for me to sit still and not get caught up in reorganizing something or a phone conversation or the vibration of my phone telling me an email is waiting… tonight, instead, I focused on TV.

Breathing is good. Maybe I should try it a little more often.

How do I know that I’m not being forgotten? I’m glad you asked.

When a gorgeous setting sun is what brings a fun filled day on the lake to an end.

When laughter, jokes, exhaustion, wet swim suits and growling tummys can’t stop my friends from taking a moment to bless our dinner at ihop at 11pm.

When I get to spend time with my friend as she celebrates another year of her life.

When I get to share my story with a friend and discover that his story is the same as mine.

When the church service hit a little close to home and I find myself with a few tears running down my face. In that moment I want nothing more in the world than to feel comforted. And without warning, without words, I get a great bear hug from a friend sitting next to me.

The blessings cease to amaze me.

Do you ask the questions that you don’t want to hear the answers to?  

This past weekend was pretty typical.  I went from one social situation to the next leaving my heart full and my sleep reserves on empty.  This weekend, like the last several months of my life, could be found in the dictionary under “the all american 20-something, single girls dream”.  I sit here and struggle with trying to find something to complain about, minus the lack of sleep of course.  But with all that being said, I have to believe something is missing.  Something that hours of laughing with friends can’t compete with.  Something that a shared glass of wine can’t fix.  Something that a scrapbook filled with hundreds of amazing pictures can’t replace.  Something that I thought I had.  Something that I find myself getting impatient for.

Like always, the timing was perfect as I was reminded at church on Sunday that we are all in some form of a Waiting Room.  We are all waiting for something in our lives.  Be it a new job, for a house to sell, a child, a promotion, a health issue to resolve… or a relationship.  We have all been there, and if we are honest with ourselves, we are probably all there at this very moment… waiting.  Waiting on God to answer our prayers, waiting on a sign, waiting for something to change.  At the conclusion of the message I was reminded that although the waiting is not very fun, it is very necessary.  I found myself nodding my head in agreement.  Because as much as I want to find the missing piece in my life I can’t imagine that I have been prepared to handle having it in my life up until very recently.  As two years have come and gone I can easily say that its taken that long to heal, forgive and learn from my mistakes.  That time has been one of the greatest blessings in my life.  On any given day I may have complained about the circumstances, but as a whole I am certain that my prayers were being answered in ways that only God can understand.  There was a much larger plan in place all along.  

I woke up this morning after a good eight hours of sleep and a renewed perception of My Waiting Room.  I am confident that the days, weeks, months and years ahead will go exactly how they are meant to.  I will find what I am looking for, and more importantly fall in love with the journey. 

July 4th this year was unlike any other.