Truth Be Told
I am a firm believer in the power of perfect timing. We are often brought to the brink… To a point where we feel like we can’t go on for one second longer. And only when we reach that point do we realize that someone else is in control and has a plan in place.
Truth be told, I was there. I was at a point where I had lost my sense of ambition, lost my ability to see into the future and ultimately lost all hope. I felt betrayed. I wanted to scream out that the events of my life seemed extremely unfair. I felt like whatever I touched seemed to turn sour and although I tried so hard to make the right decisions things always seemed to turn bad.
Almost two years ago, I made a conscious decision to leave everything I knew for a fresh start. I yearned for a new life away from the absolute mess that I found myself in. I walked away from my family, my friends, my church and my marriage. The events that lead me to that extreme decision were complicated. I think its only normal to look back at such drastic decisions and wonder if the right choices were made. In the past month or so, I can honestly say that my mind has been full of “what-ifs”. I could see that my new career was not exactly going as planned. I also found myself more lonely than I have ever been in my life. What had I done? What was I making the sacrifices for?
My heart has been on a (secret) roller coaster. In the midst of my downward spiral of my job I had begun to realize that a certain boy would never change. I was investing so much of myself into something that would never be. I gave a very fragile heart to him, only to not be loved back. It wasn’t fair, and it was a pain that was as much physical as it was emotional. Needless to say I was there… at my brink.
Prayers and tears were many. I prayed for hope, for strength, and mostly for the ability to feel Him in my life. Within days I was told I was being laid off. I was being forced to return to Georgia. If this wasn’t a sign I’m not sure what is. We often don’t get our prayers answered in the way we want. But we do ALWAYS get what we NEED. Never before have I ever felt such a strong presence of God’s will. The lost job would be a means to an end. It would allow me to walk away from a toxic love story and a way to force me to reevaluate my career choice.
So, here I am, tears streaming down my face as I look around at stacks of boxes. I am days away from undoing everything that I started so many months ago. The lessons I have learned in Michigan reach far beyond anything that I would put on a resume. I have learned that sometimes you have to take risks and that we are all so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. And ultimately that we will never be given anything that we aren’t capable of handling. I am certain that the move to Michigan has put my family and I in a better place. The appreciation we have for each other at this point is greater than I could have ever dreamed for. My relationships I have with my friends are now stronger and much more “grownup”. I have realized who the good ones are, and have allowed the not so good ones to fall by the wayside. It is easy to see why I was lead up here.
Tonight I am so thankful for the blessings, and even more thankful for the answered prayers.
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December 8th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
You are the bomb in more ways than one. You are such an example to me. I am so proud of u… from where you have come to where you are going. Like you said prayers may not be answered the way we think they should be, but they are always answered the way that we need for them to be. I think about you often. I am so glad God is working in your life. Hang in there! I can’t wait to have you in G-town! Love you!