The Fence

Before we watch a TV show that includes “graphic content that may be inappropriate for younger viewers” they warn us with a disclaimer. Consider this my disclaimer.

I tend to have a habit (good or bad… I don’t know) of taking a personal inventory every so often. I find myself taking a good look at what I am doing and where I am going. I think it can be a great way to motivate yourself to make a change (if need be), but unfortunately it also shines a bright light on the not so pretty parts.

I’m in a chapter of my life where my independence is now a very strong aspect of my personality. I now have a tendency to cringe at the thought of being forced into plans or obligations. I also turn the other direction the minute a guy requests a second or third date. I don’t want to be tied down… in any way, shape, or fashion.

I have been horribly burnt before.

I enjoy the freedom.

I don’t want the responsibility of making someone else happy.

But being the fun fearless female that I am, I also want to Have My Cake and Eat it Too. I enjoy the independence up to the point where I get a little lonely and wish that someone would call. I enjoy the independence up to the point when Thanksgiving rolls around and I don’t have a family to eat with because my independence has taken me 800 miles north. It is a very strange fence that I ride.

So yes, I am a little bummed today. I want it all. I want the career, the family, and the ability to maintain the independence. I want to remain true to myself and not have to sacrifice one for the other. Ultimately, I want to be happy and content. I am struggling because I question whether or not I am in a place, or at least moving in a direction where any of those wants are attainable.

And it is sleeting outside.

I told you it would be bad.

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