Moments Worth Mentioning

I wish I could say that it was me helping this guy, but it was not. Still a good story…

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80′s, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, “And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?” He smiled as he patted my hand and said, “She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is.” I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, “That is the kind of love I want in my life.”

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

“Life isn’t about how to survive the storm,
but about how to dance in the rain.”

I wanted to give everyone an update: I’m okay! I am once again, blown away by the love and support that seems to find me when I need it the most. Last week sucked, there is no way of denying that. But if it wasn’t for that bad week, whose to say that I would ever know what a good week is supposed to feel like. I had a fabulous weekend, that I honestly believe had the workings of a higher power written all over it. And through it all I keep discovering that I will never be given a situation or a sucky week that I can’t handle (with a little help from my friends).

I am writing this with so much reservation. I know that I will probably regret this. But I feel like I need to vent. And this is my outlet.

I have just gone through a week of hell. Everyone that is close to me knows my continued anxiety that is associated with my house that I still have in Georgia. Last Sunday, an offer was presented for the house. The offer was low and very demanding. The process that was required to counteroffer and negotiate with this potential buyer was draining in itself. But dealing with the co-owner of the house was a battle that has left me completely deflated.

This has not been easy. These 6+ months since I left Preston have been the most challenging and demanding months of my life. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster than nobody can understand. I have never had a doubt that I did the right thing by leaving, but that doesn’t make the reality of it any easier. Although this time has been hard, I feel like I have made great strides towards finding myself and happiness once again. The saying “two steps forward, three steps back” seems appropriate to sum up this past week. I was feeling so strong. I had no idea that I could be knocked back down so easily.

How can someone who was so important to me turn into such an evil, spiteful individual? He wants to hurt and punish me for leaving him. And, unfortunately, being married gave him the opportunity to learn all my buttons. Apparently I didn’t learn a thing since I couldn’t predict how any given phone call or email would turn out this week. Every time another counteroffer was presented (we had about 6) we had to discuss what our next move would be. I’m trying to keep a united front. I don’t want the real estate agents to get a whiff of indifference that may have existed between Preston and I. They would have loved to take advantage of an already unfortunate situation. I’m trying to be reasonable and ultimately trying to not completely loose my shirt on a house that was once my proudest treasure. Trying to predict his mood or response was, at best, emotionally draining.

When I finally think that I have survived the week I am hit with a final, spiteful blow. We are accepting a final offer that lets us walk away from the house. It’s a frustrating proposal, but realistic in the current market. Preston and I are discussing the final arrangements that need to be made to vacate the house. I actually offer to fly down to help the move-out/clean-up process. I casually ask when a good time would be for my parents to come to the house to claim some of my belongings that were left. And once again, I am left in disbelief as Mr. Mood Swing strikes again. He claims that I no longer have any right to anything in the house. He knows that the monetary value is not the issue. He knows that by keeping me out of the house he has the ability to say “I told you so” one more time. He has used my move to Michigan against me from day one. Why not use it one more time? Hate is such a strong word. I don’t want to hate him. But he makes is so hard to even like him.

I want to be glad about the house being Under Contract. But right now I am so unhappy about the fact that “happily ever after” was such a delusion.

Storm Watch 2008 hit Atlanta a few days ago and the good folks of northern Georgia were drenched with an overwhelming 1-2 inches of snow! Schools were closed, business were not opened, and the grocery stores were overwhelmed with nervous shoppers. Are you kidding me?!

Excuse my outburst. But its amazing how my perception of snow and bad weather has changed. I now awake to 7 or 8 inches of fresh snow without a thought. I walk out to start my car in 15 degree temperatures without bothering to put on a coat. I prefer the snow covered roads in my apartment complex over dry roads simply because the speed bumps are no longer an issue. I have really surprised myself on how quickly I have become acclimated to my new surroundings.

Don’t get me wrong. My inner child still comes crawling out when my dogs and I stumble upon a field of fresh snow, and we have the privilege of being the first ones to put our footprints in it. I often let the dogs off their leashes and find myself laughing out loud as they struggle to forge through uncharted territory. Even the dogs seem to have gotten used to the snow and cold temperatures. They no longer give me “the look” when I open the door to take them outside.

So, all I have to say to you Georgians is “calm down”. I admit I was one of you. I would insist on being off the roads, and would get angry when they didn’t feel the need to cancel school. But, along with LOTS of other things, snow has now been put into perspective. So, come and visit me. Maybe you will learn a thing or two…

Someone… Anyone… Please buy my house!! I get such a desperate feeling when I think of that house. It sits there taunting me, not letting me completely close that chapter of my life. I haven’t called that house my “home” since June of last year. But in some ways I feel like I haven’t left at all. I am still paying for half of the mortgage, dealing with real estate agents, taking care of maintenance issues and costs, and still communicating with its current occupant on a regular basis. I have physically left Georgia and I have emotionally disconnected myself from that part of my life. Yet, that house is a daily reminder of what was.
I know the housing market is AWFUL right now. I am a victim of circumstance and I accept that. I have no doubt that if we had listed the house at this time last year, it would have sold within weeks, and we would have walked away with some cash in our pockets. But now, IF we were to find a buyer, we are wondering if we are even going to break even. It makes me sick knowing that the time, effort, and MONEY invested into that house will never be recouped. Ugh!
Anyways, I know that this too will pass. This is a test that has been given to me and designed to make me a better, stronger person. So, if my checking account can survive it, so can I!
Just someone… please buy my house!

Well here I am, back in Michigan. The word I would use to sum up my trip home to Georgia would be “bittersweet”. It was WONDERFUL to see my family, and catch up with friends. But at the same time, going home brought back soooo many memories and emotions that I had happily forgotten over the past 4 months since leaving.
Moving away from your family puts so much into perspective. I have a new appreciation of the time spent with loved ones. You hug everyone a little bit tighter and catch yourself stepping back and really taking it all in. This was honestly the best Christmas that I can remember, simply because my family was my first priority. The gifts and hoopla associated with the holiday all of a sudden were much less important.
In contrast to the warm and fuzzy feelings of being back with my family, were the feelings of hurt and resentment that came flooding back as I made my way around town. Driving through my old city, seeing my old house, visiting with old friends… it was easy to get swept away by the memories. But, it is what it is. If anything, this trip home confirmed my decision to put some distance between me and my memories.
So, in summary, going home was a much needed and cherished week and a half filled with lots of sweet tea and chick-fil-a sandwiches. I went to the lake, put my toes in the ocean, rang in the new year in style, and got some much needed R&R. All in all, a good time was had. Heres to great things happening in 2008!